


Dexter Doll Spoof

by mike91848



Category: Dexter (TV), Dexter - Fandom, Dexter Series - All Media Types, Dexter Series - Jeff Lindsay
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-24
Updated: 2011-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-15 01:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/155622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mike91848/pseuds/mike91848
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't own any of the Dexter anything's at all anywhere or the Chucky the doll deal either.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Dexter Doll Spoof

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the Dexter anything's at all anywhere or the Chucky the doll deal either.

Here is the latest broadcast from the Old Miami radio station, KDEX 98.6, in 2049.

Back in 2010 the "Stop Production" order came down from management after the first major law suit. Over 100,000 little Dexter dolls had already been manufactured and shipped all over the world to large retailers as well as distributors that had sold their stock almost overnight once the world found out about the Dexter doll and it's "Personality Program." The recall effort was made but with little success.

Engineering had come up with an almost ingenious voice recognition chip programmed to respond not only to the spoken word but also to the voice inflection and mood of the speaker. It was like a lie detector and a psychotic mentality all lumped into one chip. Dexter's voice was right on. The doll even provided voiceovers for added effect. The Dexter doll was about 18" tall, could walk and the arms moved up and down. There were accessories purchased separately like a knife of course as well as several different outfits.

The marketing folks had a field day with this. The look of the doll was of course Dexter, who else? His cold stare never changed and his lips never moved but his eyes would darken and glow throughout his deliveries. To a mature adult, the intended audience, this made a great gift. A great party game to try on someone after a few drinks. Lots of laughs.

Except for one thing. Once the novelty wore off the adults set the doll aside. Their kids, of all ages, found the doll and started playing with it. Teenagers thought the mind games were really cool. Smaller kids were scared and usually put the doll down before any real harm could be done. It was the middle to late teens that had the most problems.

This would be a typical conversation with the Dexter doll.

"What's up, Dexter?"

"Not your I.Q. Want a donut?" Eyes grow brighter.

"Be nice, Dexter, I like you."

"Explain, like," eyes grow dimmer.

"You know, I think you are neat."

"My kills are neat and well planned. Would you like me to show you?" Eyes grow brighter.

"How would you show me? You are just a doll."

The Dexter doll starts to walk towards the voice. His hand comes up with a knife in it.

"Come a little closer, I like you, you are neat. Are you scared?" Eyes get a little brighter.

"No way man. I'm not afraid of a little doll. You are just a toy!"

"Why is your voice shaking then? I think you are afraid to come closer." Eyes are really bright red now.

"You look like the devil, Dexter!"

The Dexter doll runs towards the voice with the arm going up and down with the knife, laughing.

"I own you, you little scared wimp. You will DIE! You can't hide, I will get you! Oh no, it's my cell phone, it's probably my girlfriend, hold on, don't move."

"Yes dear, I'm working. Can I call you right back after I stab this little wimp in the knee cap? Good, better than good! You will be waiting where? Oh Boy, Oh Boy!" As his arm with the knife goes into overdrive slashing the little wimps' knee caps!

" _Oops, not again. This will mean a recall for sure this time."_

"Hey wimp, stop screaming, I'm on the phone here. What a cry baby!"

Kid exits to mommy and daddy. Parents call the manufacturer. Law suit. Engineers get a "Reprogram notice" from management. They send out the beamed new program from outer space, from the company satellite, to all of the Dexter dolls. Done. Except for one small detail. The Dexter dolls already found the backdoor and reprogrammed themselves earlier. Oh Boy!

The first confirmed mental breakdown victim, losing ones marbles by Dexter Doll Dissing, was a 19 year old boy that had watched season one 278 times, He had every word memorized, every scene. His parents said it was the first time he had really applied himself, what could be the harm?

Their son got into a dissing match with the Dexter doll and lost. It's not the first time a human has lost a battle of wits with a computer. Ask a chess player. See what I mean! Chip over chump once again.

Who knows how many Dexter dolls still exist out there. Time will tell. It's season 43 now and there are still rumors that a Dexter doll took out another dolt somewhere but who really knows for sure. As far as this Dexter fan is concerned I don't care how long it takes Dexter to slash his next victim with a cane as long as they stop showing all those bedroom scenes with Rita. Sex at 79 should be private, know what I mean!

Signing off once again at the old Miami Radio station. I will be back tomorrow with more on Dexter etal. Who's there? Hey shorty with the knife, very funny. AHHHHHHHHH. Silence.


End file.
